"She put her boob on my straw" : Why We Avoid Difficult Conversations at Work (and How to Actually Have Them)

A few weeks ago, I got a call from a former colleague who had just started a new job. Her voice was somewhere between “I want to scream” and “Do I just quit?” She told me: “This woman at work keeps interrupting me, barges into my office unannounced .. and today - she leaned over to help and her BOOB TOUCHED MY STRAW.”

Pause.

Yes, her boob. Touched. Her. Straw.

Naturally, she was horrified. But what really stuck with me wasn’t the accidental straw violation - it was her next question:”I don’t know how to talk to her about it … Should I say something? Am I overreactive? I don’t want to cause drama.”

Ah, the classic workplace dilemma. Cue the millennial anxiety loop: Be chill. But also assertive. But not too assertive. Also, don’t die of secondhand embarrassment.

The Truth Is…

Most of us were never taught how to have hard conversations at work - especially women, especially in environments where being “easy to work with” is code for “don’t speak up.” But avoiding the conversation doesn’t solve anything. It just turns molehills into Mount Workplace Resentments.

So let’s talk about how to deal - with or without accidental boob contact.

3 Quick Tips for Having Difficult Conversations Without Losing Your Mind (or Job):

1. Don’t wait until you explode. The longer you stew, the harder it gets. Say something before you’ve mentally cussed this girl out a thousand times, rewritten your resignation letter in your head, and rage-slurped your iced coffee. The longer you let it build, the harder (and weirder) it gets. Keep it small, clear, and low-drama while you can.

2. Keep it “I” not “You.” Try “Hey, I actually lose focus when people drop in - mind shooting me a quick ping first?” It’s way better than snapping or silently resenting someone for the next six months.

3. Rehearse, then release. Keep it short. You don’t need a TED Talk - just enough to set a boundary or name the issue. Then let it go. You can’t control their reaction, but you can control how you show up.

   
   

Difficult conversations don’t have to be confrontational - they can be kind, clear, and confidence-building. And if your coworker’s chest gets too close to your personal space again … maybe just gently slide your cup back and say “Hey - mind if we chat about something real quick?”

You’ve got this! And if not, call your favorite HRish friend. (That’s me.)